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Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser's New Plot/Oh, My Mysterious Lady (Version 2)
(Later at the ship, after the Gulp has disappeared in the forest, Cortex and Bowser are in their and Ripto’s headquarters, with Bowser sitting in a chair, covered in a blanket, his feet in a tub of warm water, and an ice bag tied on his head. Even Cortex and Ripto sat next to him, angrily eating their dinner, and wearing new clothes, which are the same as the old ones. Bowser sniffed a bit as if he has a cold due to being in the cold water in Skull Island Rock and he and Ripto are also angry to the fact that Crash, Spyro, and the Mario Brothers humiliated them) Bowser: That cursed Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and Mario Brothers! (He groans a bit) Cortex: (Eating a piece of steak) Making fools out of us! Ripto: (Sips his wine) Tell me about it. (Bowser’s nose tickled suddenly and he sneezed that his head went flying right into the back rest of the chair and bumped into it. Cortex swallowed another piece of his steak he is eating and with Ripto, just stared flatly at him) Cortex: (Flatly) You okay? Bowser: (Groaning in pain) My head.... (He sighs wearily) Bowser: (Wearily) How much worse can it get? Ripto: I don’t know. (Suddenly, as if they got an answer, they heard hammering from outside on the door. Outside the headquarters, Ripper is hammering a sign that says “Quiet! Do not disturb!” on it, with holding the last nail for him to hammer it while the mates watched) Joe: I betcha the captain, admiral, and assistant captain will get irritated by the hammering, Ripper. Ripper: We know. And I love to hammer! Tiny: But we have to make sure they get some peace and quiet. Koala: Yeah. Roy: (Sarcastically) Yeah. Peace and quiet from the hammering you're making. (Then, after Pinstripe hands Ripper the last nail and Ripper starts hammering it in, the Sheriff comes up with a kettle of hot water) Sheriff: (Singing) Oh, a pirate’s life Is a wonderful life.... (He hands the kettle to Ripper) Sheriff: Here’s the hot water, guys. (Wendy shushed the Sheriff) Wendy: Quiet! You know Daddy’s got a splitting headache! Iggy: And the captain and admiral are watching him! Ludwig: We mustn’t annoy them. (The Sheriff nods) Sheriff: I understand, but that doesn’t change the fact that they failed to kill Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, and the Mario Brothers. (He walks away. Then, Bowser, still wrapped in a blanket and wearing an ice bag, opened the door to scold them into being quiet when Ripper, who doesn’t notice, swung the hammer at the door and accidentally banged Bowser in the head with it, making him vibrate until Pinstripe, in annoyance, stopped it. Then Bowser dizzily danced around until he plopped down into the chair with one foot in the tub, still dizzy. Cortex and Ripto, who saw the whole thing, chuckled a little) Cortex: (Chuckles) That was kinda funny. (Then, the mates went into the headquarters cautiously with the kettle. Lemmy, being the last to enter, tripped on his foot and nearly falls on Iggy, but recovered after Iggy, in annoyance, pushed him off. As Cortex, Ripto, and the mates looked at Bowser closely, they notice he is now smiling dizzily, and Dingodile, Tiny, and the Komodo Brothers think it’s real) Dingodile: Wow, Assistant Captain. It’s nice to see you smiling again. (Tiny puts Bowser’s other foot in the tub while the others, except Ludwig and Roy, rolled their eyes) Tiny: Brings back good old days when we were living healthy, normal life. Joe: Scuttling ships, cutting throats. Moe: Pillaging and plundering. Rilla: Why don’t we go back to sea again? (As he placed a thermometer in Bowser’s mouth, Cortex smacked Rilla in the face) Cortex: Don’t mention that! Ripto: Cortex and I just said we’re not leaving yet! (The Komodo Brothers then chimed in while Joe took the kettle and started pouring the hot water into the tub) Joe: Well, speaking of that, there’s trouble brewing on the island. Moe: Women trouble that is. Mates: (Confused) Women trouble? (Realizes) Oh yeah. Ripto: What are you talking about women trouble for? Cortex: What's going on? Moe: Well, we don’t want this rumor to go on, but Chef Bergen told us that Dawn Bellwether told her that she heard that Crash, Spyro, and the Mario Brothers have banished Misty. Joe: That’s right. Cortex and Ripto: Really? (While they explained this, the hot water made the thermometer turn red and when it popped due to high heat from the water, Bowser snapped out of his dizziness and jumped out of the water, screaming in pain and knocking the mutants back. As they recovered, Bowser grabbed the Komodo Brothers to yell at them at first) Bowser: Why, you imbeciles! I ought to...! Cortex: Wait! Didn’t you hear what the Komodo Brothers just…? (Upon hearing Cortex, Bowser calmed down suddenly and removed the ice bag off his head while putting the Komodo Brothers down) Bowser: (To Cortex) Wait, yes I heard. (To the mates) ''Did you say Crash, Spyro, and the Mario Brothers have banished Misty? Ludwig: Well, yeah. They did. Ripto: Why did they? Roy: It was because of those four girls named Sabrina, Tawna, and Princesses Peach and Daisy, Dad, Captain, and Admiral. Morton: That’s right. Koala: And Misty got jealous of them spending time together with the three that she tried to kill those girls. Ripper: But what happened next? We’ll tell you what happens next. Dingodile: Crash, Spyro, Mario, and Luigi rescued the girls before they were killed. Tiny: And that is why Misty was banished in first place. Cortex: Wow, which one of those girls is those two hanging out with? Bowser: Yeah, who? Wendy: According to Bellwether, this Tawna is hanging out with Crash. Lemmy: Peach with Mario. Iggy: And Daisy with Luigi. Ripto: So this Sabrina is.... Larry: Same, but the three girls we just mentioned mostly. Junior: That’s right. ''(Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser upon hearing this, smiled evilly and started thinking of a plan) Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser: Well, well.... Joe: That’s why we have to leave, Captain and Admiral. Moe: This is not a place for two respectable pirates like you. (Bowser cleared his throat) Komodo Brothers: (Flatly) And Bowser. Bowser: And the name "Peach," sounds beautiful.... (He then got an idea) Bowser: I could use a scullery maid/wife like her. Pinstripe: Same with me, but with this Tawna. Tiny: If they're pretty. (Bowser and Pinstripe bonk him on the head) Bowser: Of course they might be pretty! Pinstripe: What's not so pretty about them?! (With a new plan in motion already, Cortex got excited while Ripto smirked evilly at their new idea) Cortex: That’s it, guys! (Cortex slaps Ripper down on the ground with his hand) Ripper: Ouch! (The Komodo Brothers soon think Cortex and Ripto are finally agreeing to leave Slumberland) Moe: Thank goodness you agree, Captain and Admiral! Joe: Yeah. (Bowser then throws the blanket off) Bowser: Well, let's start this now! Koopalings: Yes, Dad! Roy: The sooner we get going, the better! Ripto: Indeed! A jealous female can be tricked into anything like this. (He, Cortex, and Bowser were about to leave when Dingodile responded to what the admiral just said) Dingodile: “Jealous female?” Ripper: Wait, what? (Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser turned to them) Bowser: Yes, obviously! Ripto: If we impress that little fairy, convince her we’re eager to help her, the wench may chart our course to a (Winks his eye at Bowser) certain hideout and Bowser and Pinstripe's future scullery maids and wives. Pinstripe: Exactly. Joe: (Confused) Certain...? (Realizes) Oh yeah! Cortex: You know what hideout we’re talking about, right? Bowser: And what the plan is, right? Joe: Yeah! (Became unsure) I don’t know where. Moe: Uh, the Spanish Main? (After a short pause, Bowser slaps his palm on his face in annoyance and got angry with Cortex and Ripto) Cortex: No! Crash Bandicoot’s hideout! Ripto: Can’t you do anything right? Bowser: Why else would they be talking about it? Moe: (Confused) I thought we were leaving the island, Captain and Admiral? Joe: (Confused) Yeah? Pinstripe: Not yet. Cortex: Right now, we are going to find Misty and convince her to tell us where the hideout is. Pinstripe: And then capture mine and Bowser's future scullery maids/wives. Bowser: Exactly. (The Komodo Brothers realized) Komodo Brothers: Oh.... Ripper: But where will we find her? Dingodile: Where else? Bowser: We'll find Peach or Tawna at Cr.... (Cortex bonked Bowser on the head) Cortex: He meant Misty! Bowser: (Rubbing his head) How was I supposed to know? Ripto: Enough! We’ll scour the Forest Labyrinth first. Cortex: But isn’t that where the Gulp lives? Ripto: I know. But just as long as he doesn’t notice us. (He changes the subject) Ripto: Anyway, let’s gather volunteers and go now. (They leave to go gather some volunteers. Meanwhile, at the Dragon Elder Village, Crash’s group and Cynder realized what happened with the other group from a guilty Ignitus after revealing that Cynder was captured by Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser and is already rescued) Mario: So they must have gotten lost. Ignitus: Indeed. If I knew that it was Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser who did this, I wouldn’t have been hard on your friends. Crash: Me and our group will do whatever it takes to find them without flying and get them back here. Ignitus: I agree. And tell them we’ll treat them with hospitality in an apologetic way. Cynder: And I shall go with them. Ignitus: (Surprised) You? Cynder? Are you sure you want to? You were just rescued and returned. I don’t want you to get hurt. Cynder: I’ll be fine. I have Spyro to protect me. Spyro: Crash, as well as our friends, will be with us as well. Crash: And besides, they can be their navigators. (Realizing they’re right, Ignitus gave in) Ignitus: Very well. All of you, be safe. May the Dragon Spirit guide you safely. Crash’s group: We will. Ignitus: Be careful. Crash's group: We will. (With that, Crash’s group, including Cynder, went into the Forest Labyrinth. In the Forest Labyrinth, Fievel’s group is still searching for the cliff edge) Applejack: (Tired) How much longer do we have to walk through this?! Fievel: I don’t know. Fluttershy: I am worried. Rarity: It’s almost sunset. (Suddenly, they heard rustling in the bushes) Rainbow Dash: Is it a monster? Timothy: Is it the Gulp? Fluttershy: If it is, then not good. Basil: (Bravely) Who’s there?! Dawson: (Nervously) Show yourselves! (Suddenly, Crash’s group and Cynder emerged, much to the other group’s relief) Basil and Dawson: (Happy to see them) Guys! (Even the groups were happy to see each other that they hugged. Upon noticing Cynder, Fievel’s group got confused) Tiff: You saved Cynder? Crash's group: Yes. Olivia: So that’s Cynder, huh? Cynder: I really do need to explain what happened. Tuff: You darn right you do! Basil: Tuff! (Tuff catches himself) Tuff: Sorry. (Later, as they headed to the Dragon Elder Village, everything was explained) Tuff: Well, that’s a relief. Basil: I'll say. Fievel: At least Chief Ignitus realizes now. Olivia: Indeed. Fievel: Do you think we’ll have a party there? Cynder: Yes. Mario: And think of the delicious food. Fievel: Yum! Olivia: It’s better than execution! (Suddenly, they heard rustling from a distance) Peach: What was that? (Crash shushes them and while they hid, they peeked and saw Cortex, Ripto, Bowser, and the mates, along with their volunteers, emerge from the bushes. The volunteers were Bud, Kaa, Hiss, Greasy, and Duke Weaselton. Crash’s group glared at them) Crash: (Whispering) It’s the old Crazyfish, Dinofish, and Turtlehead again! Tawna: (Whispering) And his crew! Fievel: (Whispering) I say we pay them back for what they put us through! Basil: (Whispering) I concur. Olivia: (Whispering) We’ll just fool them around, humane-like or otherwise. Sabrina: (Whispering) Are you sure we can do that? Luigi: (Whispering) Well.... Since Olivia said humane-like or otherwise.... (He ponders a bit and then agreed) Luigi: (Whispering) Okay. Salem: (Whispering) But what will we fool them around on? Spyro: (Whispering) Why don’t we...? (They huddle up and whisper their plan. With Cortex’s group, they searched everywhere for Misty, but she was nowhere to be seen) Hiss: How long do we have to be here? Greasy: Hiss has a point! How long do we have to stay...? Bowser: Quiet! Cortex: Do you just wanna quit?! We are not gonna go back to the ship until the cows have come home! (A short pause) Joe: And when will the cows be found? Moe: I see no cows. Bud: Any moos being heard around here? Cortex: Oh brother.... (Shouts) I didn’t mean cows! (Suddenly, they heard a ghostly laugh, scaring the sissy members of the crew while Cortex calmed down) Kaa: (Terrified) What in the world is that? Bowser: I got a feeling we're being followed. (Then, another ghostly laugh emerged from the bushes. Unaware to them, Timothy was the one making the ghostly laugh. He then turned to Crash and Daisy) Timothy: (Quietly mouthing) Now! (Crash then speaks up in a deep voice) Crash: (In deep voice) Who dares to awaken me?! (The sissy members of the crew shook in fear while the serious members, including Cortex and Ripto, looked suspicious) Iggy: (In a panicked voice) I knew it! Bowser: (In a panicked voice) The Gulp is going to eat us! Ripto: (Smacks them) Silence! Cortex: (To Greasy and Duke Weaselton) Go check out the source of the voice! Greasy: Aye-aye, Capitan. Duke Weaselton: Sure. (Greasy and Duke Weaselton took a step closer and backed away a bit calmly upon hearing Spyro make a huge roar. The serious members, still suspicious, walked up to Greasy and Duke Weaselton along with the crew) Cortex: Let’s try talking to, quote, the Gulp, unquote. Ripto: It might be just a spirit. (The crew nods in agreement. Crash and his friends nod in agreement on their new tactic. Cortex then turns to the source of the voice) Cortex: Spirit that haunts this dark forest tonight. Dost hear us? Crash: (In a spooky voice) Odds, bongs, hammer, and tongs, I hear you. Cortex: Then speak! Ripto: Who are you really? Crash: (In a spooky voice) I am Cortex, Captain of the Moron Pirate Crew. Spyro: (In a spooky voice) And I am Ripto, Admiral of the Moron Pirate Crew. Cortex and Ripto: No you’re not, you imposters! Crash: (In a spooky voice) Stow that gab, or I shall hook you with my hook! Spyro: (In a spooky voice) Or kill you in the blink of an eye! Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) Or better, cast anchor in you! (Cortex and Ripto then tried a different tactic) Cortex: Then if you are Cortex. Ripto: And Ripto. Cortex and Ripto: What are we then? (Crash, Spyro, and even the Mario Brothers stifled a quiet laugh and Crash and Spyro spoke in their spooky voices) Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) You are a Crazyfish and Dinofish! A stinky Crazyfish and Dinofish! (The crew got confused while the Komodo Brothers fell for it) Joe: Have we been captained and admiraled all this time by a Crazyfish and Dinofish? (The Komodo Brothers turns to Cortex and Ripto defiantly) Moe: If that’s true, fake captain and fake admiral, that’s lowering to our pride! Joe: Yeah! Cortex and Ripto: That voice is saying this as a bunch of lies! (Realizing, the Komodo Brothers drooped in embarrassment) Komodo Brothers: Sorry, Captain and Admiral. (Cortex and Ripto turned to Greasy, Bud, Kaa, Hiss, and Duke Weaselton and motioned them to talk) Duke Weaselton: Okay, spirits. Kaa: Do you have another name? Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) Yes. Kaa: Vegetable? Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) No. Bud: Mineral? Crew: (Aghast at Bud’s guess) Mineral?! Koala: What kind of guess is that?! Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) No. (Bud points out, giving a look that means “See? I made a good guess.”) Hiss: Animal? Crash and Spyro: (In spooky voices) Yes. (Greasy then started the questioning) Greasy: Are you actually a, dare I say, a woman? (Crash, Spyro, Mario, and Luigi cue Daisy, dressed in her bathing suit, to speak up) Daisy: Yes! (Greasy winks at the crew while they rolled their eyes, for they knew Greasy is a sucker for women) Greasy: Do you have a beautiful voice? Daisy: Yes! (She came out in her bathing suit and starts vocalizing. Greasy, Kaa, Bud, Hiss, and even Duke Weaselton became love-struck, as if they were seduced) Greasy: It is ''a lady! Hiss: Wow! Bud: A lovely one! ''(Daisy vocalizes some more until her held note made the crew, except the love-struck Greasy, Duke Weaselton, Hiss, Bud, and Kaa, cover their ears) Rilla: Too loud! Greasy: She’s a beautiful one, too! Hiss, Bud, Kaa, and Duke Weaselton: Ditto on that! (They start chasing Daisy, only for her to scamper away into another bush) Greasy: Oh, my mysterious lady What is your name? (He peeks in the other bush, but Daisy is gone already) Kaa: Oh, my mysterious lady From whence have you came? (Daisy peeks out of another bush and uses her index finger to seductively usher Greasy, Duke Weaselton, Bud, Kaa, and Hiss to come to them) Daisy: La-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la (Greasy, Bud, Kaa, Hiss, and Duke Weaselton move to Daisy slowly but the girl ducked under the bush) Hiss: Answer my plea Bud: Who may ye be? (Greasy clears the bush, but Daisy’s gone again. Suddenly, Daisy comes up from behind and kicks Greasy’s butt literally) Greasy: Doof! (Daisy sings some notes. Then as Bud, Hiss, Greasy, Kaa, and Duke Weaselton turned around to see behind them, Daisy snuck behind the green-wearing weasel, pulled his pants down, revealing his white boxers with red hearts, and she then sang some notes again. As she continued the note singing, Greasy pulled up his pants and Kaa almost grabs her arm, but she shrieked and ran off with Greasy, Hiss, Duke Weaselton, Bud, and Kaa pursuing her still. Cortex’s crew and Crash's group went after them) Greasy, Kaa, Hiss, Bud, and Duke Weaselton: Oh, my mysterious lady What is your name? (As he sang the next part, Greasy noticed a piece of clothed moss, thinking it's Daisy's hair, and begins pulling on it) Greasy, Kaa, Hiss, Bud, and Duke Weaselton: Take off that veil And let me see your face Why hide your beauty Beneath that tender lace? (As they repeated this line three times, only a little faster, Greasy continued pulling, as Daisy, who is watching them from on top of a tree branch, sang some notes) Greasy, Kaa, Hiss, Bud, and Duke Weaselton: Take off that veil And let me see your face Why hide your beauty Beneath that tender lace? Take off that veil And let me see your face Why hide your beauty Beneath that tender lace? (After singing this line, Greasy finally got to the end and saw it was actually moss) Greasy: Ay caramba! Yech! (Greasy, Kaa, Bud, Hiss, and Duke Weaselton then noticed Daisy on the tree branch and the four pirates began to get love-struck even more, with Daisy not noticing and Hiss suddenly noticing something fishy going on, snapping out of his seduced state) Greasy: What’s your secret? Daisy: La-la-la-la-la-la Kaa: Tell your secret Daisy: La-la-la-la-la-la Duke Weaselton: Speak, oh, speak, oh, speak I pray thee Greasy, Kaa, Bud, and Duke Weaselton: Tell me, oh, tell me Your name (Daisy then start singing in a series of cadenzas. As she slowly climbs down the tree, not noticing that Greasy, Duke Weaselton, Bud, Kaa, and Hiss are still watching, a piece of her bathing suit suddenly got caught by another branch and the bush is pulled, revealing Crash's group to the pirates, who suddenly became shocked and surprised. Crash and his friends got shocked and motioned Daisy to stop. After Daisy finished singing, Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser turned to the crew) Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser: (Whispering) It’s Crash Bandicoot and his friends. (The crew grinned evilly and started to slowly sneak up on Daisy, Crash, and the group as Daisy began to conclude her singing. Crash and the group ushered Daisy to stop. As she slowly stopped and turned, the pirates are right in front of her and she screamed. She was about to run when Greasy and Duke Weaselton grabbed her) Daisy: Help me! (Crash and his friends ran out and they and the pirates fought each other. Suddenly, the pirates heard ticking) Cortex: Uh-oh. Ripto and Bowser: (Annoyed) Not again. (With that distraction, Crash’s group then ran to return to the Dragon Elder Village while the pirates retreated back to the ship. After returning to the ship, the other pirates laughed at Cortex, Ripto, Bowser, and the volunteers) Smart Guy: (Laughing) That’s what happened? Tropy: (Laughing) Humiliated again?! N. Gin: (Laughing) Yes, it’s more funnier than a barrel full of monkeys! (Rilla glared at the joke. Then, Cortex, Ripto, Bowser, and the mates returned to the quarters to get cleaned up while the other crew members angrily went to clean themselves up too) Duke Weaselton: Those brats will pay for what they did to us! Hiss: My sentiments exactly. I mean, humiliated? Ha! I’ve seen better days, but...! Kaa: Well, let’s just hope that fairy is found another way. Bud: Yeah. Greasy: I thought you knew her name is Misty? Kaa: I know her name! (Back in the headquarters, Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser, now cleaned up, placed Cortex’s gold hook on his left arm in place of his usual silver hook while talking with the mates, who’re also cleaned up) Ripto: Alright, these humiliations have gone too far! Cortex: You mates go look for Misty! Larry: (Unsure) Are you sure you want us to do it? Crush: Yeah. Why don't we just send...? Cortex, Ripto, and Bowser: NOW!! Komodo Brothers: (Stammering in a panic) O-o-o-okay, sirs! Mates: Aye-aye, sirs! (With that, the mates quickly went into the rowboat, and quickly paddled back to the island to find Misty) Coming up: Crash’s team and the Dragon Elder clan celebrate the festivities and during the party, Sabrina, Tawna, Peach, Daisy, Basil, and Dawson become homesick while Tawna, Peach, and Daisy got jealous of Crash, Mario, and Luigi temporally giving Cynder the attention under her and Spyro's permission. Also, Cortex and Ripto are gonna make Misty do something horrible that will make Misty feel bad for it. Category:Fan Fiction Category:Peter Pan Parodies